Courtship and Dating First Steps Continued...

At a juncture so critical in the life of a young inexperienced woman as that when she begins to form an attachment for one of the opposite sex--at a moment when she needs the very best advice accompanied with a considerate regard for her overwrought feelings--the very best course she can take is to confide the secret of her heart to that truest and most loving of friends--her mother.

Fortunate is the daughter who has not been deprived of the wisdom and tenderness of counselors--whose experience of life, whose prudence and sagacity, whose anxious care and appreciation of her child's sentiments, and whose awakened recollections of her own trysting days, qualify and entitle her above all other beings to counsel and comfort her trusting child, and to claim her confidence.

Let the timid girl then pour forth into her mother's ear the flood of her pent-up feelings. Let her endeavor to distrust her own judgment, and seek hope, guidance, and support from one who, she well knows, will not deceive or mislead her.

The confidence thus established would be productive of the most beneficial results--by securing the daughter's obedience to her parent's advice, and her willing adoption of the observances prescribed by etiquette, which, as the courtship progresses, that parent will not fail to recommend as strictly essential in this phase of life.

Where a young woman has had the misfortune to be deprived of her mother, she should at such a period endeavor to find her next best counselor in some female relative, or other trustworthy friend.

We are to suppose that favorable opportunities for meeting have occurred, until both the lady and her admirer have come to regard each other with such warm feelings of inclination as to have a constant craving for each other's company. Other eyes have in the meantime not failed to notice the symptoms of a growing attachment; and some "kind friends" have, no doubt, even set them down as already engaged.

The admirer of the fair one is, indeed, so much enamored as to be unable to retain his secret within his own breast; and, not being without hope that his attachment is reciprocated, resolves on seeking an introduction to the lady's family preparatory to his making a formal declaration of love.

It is possible, however, that the lover's endeavors to obtain the desired introduction may fail of success, although, where no material difference of social position exists, this difficulty will be found to occur less frequently than might at first be supposed.

He must then discreetly adopt measures to bring himself in some degree under the fair one's notice: such, for instance, as attending the place of worship which she frequents, meeting her, so often as to be manifestly for the purpose, in the course of her promenades, etc.

He will thus soon be able to judge--even without speaking to the lady--whether his further attentions will be distasteful to her. The signs of this on the lady's part, though of the most trifling nature, and in no way compromising her, will be unmistakable; for, as the poet tells us in speaking of the sex:

"He gave them but one tongue to say us 'Nay,'

And two fond eyes to grant!"

Should her demeanor be decidedly discouraging, any perseverance on his part would be ungentlemanly and highly inappropriate. But, on the other hand, should a timid blush intimate doubt, or a gentle smile lurking in the half-dropped eye give pleasing challenge to further parley when possible, he may venture to write--not to the lady—that would be the opening of a clandestine correspondence, an unworthy course where every act should be open and straightforward, as tending to manly and honorable ends--but, to the father or guardian, through the agency of a common friend where feasible; or, in some instances, to the party at whose residence the lady may be staying.

In his letter he ought first to state his position in life and prospects, as well as mention his family connections; and then to request permission to visit the family, as a preliminary step to paying his addresses to the object of his admiration.

By this course he in no way compromises either himself or the lady; but leaves open to both, at any future period, an opportunity of retiring from the position of courtship taken up on the one side, and of receiving addresses on the other, without laying either party open to the accusation of fickleness or jilting.